I was asked by a local "Curves" if I'd like to set up a little table at their open house this week. "Sure!" I replied enthusiastically, picturing myself surrounded by a hoard of women eagerly reaching for my jewellery and thrusting money into my hands.

There were no hoards.

No one was very eager.

There was definitely no money.

Ok, there was some money -- mine -- going into a tin to pay for a lovely handmade sparkly blue scarf.

Why a tin, you ask? Oh, simple. The woman selling the scarves just left them on a table, using the honour system. I'm sure she was probably pretty happy to eventually show up and find some cash in her tin. Weird, huh? I can sit there for over 4 hours and not sell anything and she can set up a table, leave and make sales invisibly. Maybe I should go that route tomorrow.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZRbrC1f6z8]

Here's a great father-son bonding experience. Ask your 9-year-old son to remove McCain signs off the lawns of strangers. Oh, did someone electrify his sign because he was tired of theft and your son got shocked? Gee, I guess you should sue the homeowner. Never mind about the other sign clearly stating that the candidate's sign was electified. I mean, minor electrocution trumps trespassing and stealing, right?

...that people don't clue in that they NEED TO MOVE UP when in a drive-thru lane. Don't leave 12 feet between you and the car ahead. Can you not see that there are 9 cars behind you and space is pretty limited in these rinky-dink parking lots? Oh yeah, and to the last car in the line: don't block the only way in and out of the lot. Really. Have some common sense.

I also wonder why it is my hubby cannot, for the life of him, load the dishwasher properly. No, washing plastic cups on the bottom rack so they turn out deformed is not cool.  Yes, glasses on the bottom rack will break. Stacking the bowls practically on top of one another will leave a hardened mass of last night's mac & cheese, which will likely never come off.

And don't get me started on laundry.

1:40 AM. Peaceful slumber.

1:41 AM. "Honk. Honk. Honk, honk, HONK!"

1:42 AM. "HONK, honk, honk. Honk. Honk."

1:43 AM. "Honk. Honk. Honk, HONK, honk!"

1:44 AM. Me groggily raising my head from my pillow and looking around confusedly. Did I set my alarm to goose instead of music? Is someone's car alarm on the fritz? Are we being bombed and this is Canada's newest air raid siren?

No. It's a stupid goose honking in someone's backyard. Why? Why would it do that? I look out my window, expecting to see lights blazing from neighbouring homes, but no. It's completely dark everywhere. Grumbling, I get up and decide to let my dog out, hoping that will scare it away. And what does my good dog do? Why, nothing. She's not about to bark and wake everyone up. So she just wanders around outside for a few minutes, has a pee, and comes back in. I head back to bed and thankfully all is quiet again. Maybe the goose did sense my dog and hightailed it out of there.

2:56 AM. "HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK!"

Little goose has found its friends and all 30 of them are doing a fly-by over my house. Awesome.

How's that for stupid letters?

That's what I said last night as I was drifting off to sleep last night and realized that I hadn't blogged. You'd think I could make it a little longer than two days before slipping. So now what? Do I fail? Do I have to wait until May and try again? Can I write two posts today to make up for it?

Argh.

...would be a better contest name. Apparently, I have a 1 in 9 chance of winning? Really? Are you sure? Because I've had WAY more than 9 coffees since the stupid contest started and those stats are not working for me.